Changing Gears

“You adapt – or you think you do.” I read that in someone’s blog recently.


In life as a caregiver, like most of life, adapting and adjusting are required. Change gears to go uphill, change gears to pick up speed on level ground, change gears again to coast downhill. If you know the road well, you’ll do fine. But who among us ever knows the road ahead?

Over the weekend we went through a lot of gear changes. Pain and it’s accompanist, FEAR visited our house.

Our little girl feels everything in a magnified way, so how much pain is it when she is on the verge of tears for hours on end? Do we go to the emergency room (I avoid it like the plague)? Do we call the doctor (who will tell us to go to the emergency room)? Is it safe to wait it out?

It was this time.

10 years of “no official diagnosis” but lots of complex care needs. We have adapted, things have improved, but periodically and regularly grief and fear come up like twin specters haunting my peace. Forcing me to change gears. Downshifting should be easy. Release and grief come with the gear change.

I have to make an additional gear change.  All is well.  Now.  I must take the time to let go of the grief, even the relief, and especially the fear.  So the specters go away and I can coast on level ground.  Relaxed and content in the present.



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